“Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.”
– A Course in Miracles
Within this open context, time is doing funny things, not arranging itself in the ways I think it should, in order to convey the stories I want to tell. So, although I would like to write about the intuition webinar attended last night, and the categories of intuitive types given, I’m about to describe a moment wandering down a grocery market aisle instead. : )
As practice ground, you can’t do much better than the grocery store. On one occasion, it is a land of possibilities… angelic beings and sparkling, edible jewels. On another, it is a swampy place, full of dead things and hungry ghosts. Either way, it is fascinating to walk one’s mind there, see what is involved in choice-making, degrees of planning vs. spontaneity, envy, embarrassment, guilt, pride, expectation.
After many years taking care of others and a home, I reached a point where the grocery was a place I mostly resented. It was symbolic of my time taken for granted, and an arrangement most convenient for corporations, more and more full of boxed items that represented a lazy and boring culture easily preyed upon.
Rather than seeing either a shiny sparkling world or a dark cave of challenges, all that I began to experience there was lifeless droning on. “How many hours had the people I was seeing spent gathering potato chips into their baskets? Did they satisfy? What about me? Is this actual sushi? Look at our bodies, everyone hobbling in one form or another, hunched, tired, stomach’s protruding, working so hard to keep from asking where we might be, what we might be doing…” And this, and that.
One day though, stuck in a particularly long moment of observation, trying to find enlightened choices to make in the meat aisle, I heard wordlessly but so clearly,
“However terrible anything is, it is worse (for you) to add poison with (your) aversion.”
Ouch. I felt seen, and exactly when and where I didn’t want to be seen. I stood corrected, and confused. Wasn’t I doing what was needed and what I should be doing, seeing through the systems of the world? Wasn’t I discerning the way attachment remains to patterns serving another time? Would anything change if we don’t all admit that what we are collectively doing is insane?
Isn’t being willing to see things the way they are, as bad as they are, part of my part in waking?
It is hard to describe the discomfort of this course correction. My first response was to argue with it, as in the dialog above. I live for bright and striking, ‘positive’ and empowering insights, and this did not fit. Also, my reactions were not technically wrong.
The answer is, this discomfiting line has worked on me deeply for a long while now, subtly, genuinely, naturally changing ways of being… in the grocery and out, when encountering some I might at first find crass or offensive, even eventually, myself. It walked right past all my arguments and planted itself in the open place I’d reserved for “Not my will but Thine.”
It is about dropping judgement, genuinely acknowledging other as self without getting hung up on projections. A Course in Miracles would say, it is about atonement. Judgment is a second arrow not constructive for miracles… miracles being shifts of perception, toward openness, back to love. Aversion is a closed door.